Despising the Gift?

The sun beat hard my forehead as my eyes scanned the horizon.

A puffing breeze made the warmness just bearable.

"Lord God Almighty, Creator of the universe...You are powerful,

Your might extends across the heavens and the earth.

Your love to all generations..."

My eyes descend the earth just in front of my feet.

"You are amazing in every way, and you love me..."

I shake my head.

"Then why is it that I feel so empty? Why will this thirst not be quenched?"

My skin is sticky, but I stay there in the sun.

Waiting.

Hoping for an answer.

I sigh and turn to go in, out of the mugginess, the question still there.

"Why?"

The day moves on. I focus. I work hard. I accomplish many goals.

And yet, I want more. I even think that I need more.

I clock out. The work day completed. I sit back, I pray.

"Father, fill me up. Be my everything. My all.

Let this ache, this burning ache, go away. Be my comfort. Still my heart."

The day goes on and I do some chores, get ready for the next day.

Yet, in it all the whispered prayer for more, for deliverance

continues with each breath.

The sun is setting, the breeze has cooled, and the smell of rain lingers in the air.

I walk slowly along the familiar gravel pathway, listening to the rustling

of the wind running through the fields.

The prayer from earlier echos even stronger within my heart.

"Lord, my God, my Father -- I know that You do all things well and for good...

but why must this ache persist? Why must I always feel like

a pilgrim in the desert, dying of thirst?"

I listen as I walk, and pray for more of Him and then it comes.

A question.

"What if this ache isn't suppose to go away? What if this thirst isn't supposed to die? What if the very thing you beg for Him to take is the very gift

He gave?"

I stand still as the wind tugs at my hair.

I stare up into the cloud-filled heavens. I smell rain's sweet sent.

"What if this thirst, this ache for more, was a gift?

Hadn't I just prayed the day before, telling Him that I wanted to long for Him more than ANYTHING?

What if this was the answer?

What if this need, this brokenness, was the gift?"

My mind wondered.

2 Corinthians 12:9 came into focus.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

Was this weakness? Was this where His strength could be

perfected? Where glory could be given?"

"Maybe once again I was trying to get rid of the pain and discomfort that was meant to be kept?

Maybe I was trying to be whole when I can best serve Him

broken?"

The thoughts continued to tumble.

"Yes, maybe this thirst so deep that nothing but Him alone can satisfy was a gift. Maybe it wasn't something to try to shake

or loose, but something to embrace. To treasure.

Maybe this ache that kept driving me to my knees and into His arms

was something I didn't want to loose?

Maybe it was a reminder

of how very wonderful and awesome He is?

Maybe it was what I'd been praying for all along? A chance to never, ever

loose sight of His face. To never stop seeking Him with

all that I am?"

I began to walk again.

"Thank You, Lord, for meeting me here.

For speaking to my weary and longing heart.

Thank you for reminding me that sometimes we shouldn't seek to

escape the hardship, the weaknesses, but instead we should embrace them. Cling to them...because in that brokenness and need, there are You found.

There are You glorified."

The corners of my mouth lifted into a little smile.A sigh made its way from my heart to my lips.

He always meets me here. In the quite. In the stillness.

He always meets me here and whispers words into my ear that I never dreamed I'd hear.

His grace is amazing. His love and mercy never ending. And His

steadfastness is as constant as the rising and setting of the sun.

And once again my soul rejoices, because He is GOOD.

~~~~

"Who have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth:

but  God is the strength of my heart

and my portion for ever."

Psalm 75: 25 & 26

Pixels of the BIG Picture

May 22, 2013

 

I was thinking of how I often have prayed, "Lord, open my eyes so that I may see things more like You do." And then when He does, I squirm and I want the "extra sight" to go away. I don't want to be burdened by the hurts and sins I see. I don't want to ache day and night over my own sins and failings. I just want life to be easy, and I want to be happy. I want life to be about me, because I am selfish. The truth is, life isn't about me. It wasn't ever meant to be. It was meant to be about Him. So today I've been asking myself, do I really want to see as He sees? Do I really want my heart to ache as His must? It will cost...am I willing to die to self? I'm not saying that God doesn't find joy in watching His children. He does! But it only takes one look into the world through eyes that He has opened just the tiniest bit to see how much pain there is as well.

 

Praying that we may see as He does in some aspects is good, but have you ever thought about how overwhelmed we would become if we even so 1/100,000,000th of what He sees? We could not carry such burdens, no rejoice with half as much exuberance as would be needed....He sees the BIG picture, and we just see a few pixels.

 

When we ask God for things, we should always remember to ask it in the spirit of, "if it is Your will" and "if it is good for me." What we think we want and what we really need are two different things. I don't know about you, but I find it comforting to know that He knows my needs and He gives accordingly. Even when it means not answering my prayers for more of something because He knows that I am not ready for more.

Prayer, a Picture of Dependence

"P.T. Forsyth once said, 'The worst sin is prayerlessness.' Does this statement surprise us? We usually think of murder and adultery as among the worst offenses against God and humanity. But the root of all sin is self-sufficiency--independence from the rule of God. When we fail to wait prayerfully for God's guidance and strength, we are saying with our actions, if not with our words, that we do not need. Him. How much of our service is actually a 'going it alone'?" 

~ Charles E. Hummel

Tyranny of the Urgent

-----------------

 

If you understand the depravity of humankind, the thought that you are self-sufficient and can successfully walk through life alone is laughable. Until you realize that you often live as though you were sufficient, not prayerfully waiting upon and seeking the Lord.

Perhaps you have been there? You say that without Him you are nothing, you admit that there is no good in you, but you go about life, rarely stopping to speak with the Lord. You life is full, you are too busy. Any prayers are whispered on the run, and most often consist of "help me, help them, bless us" and little else.

What kind of relationship is that? You never stop to listen, never stop to have deep conversation. Isn't it hollow, empty? Doesn't it say that you do not need them/Him to exist? That you can "go it alone"?

I've been there. More times then I wish to count. Oh, thanks be to the God of mercy Who opens our eyes that we might see!

My prayer today, as we enter this holiday season, is that we will realize that the most important thing we can do, the most urgent thing, is to stop and spend time in prayer. He is the source of good, He is the One Who saves the lost, it is in Him alone that we have hope and that we can offer hope.

 

"Be Thou my strong habitation, where unto I may continually resort."

Psalm 71:3

Seek Him Every Morning

"There are no shortcuts to Christlikeness. Shortcuts only lead to masquerading. There is no substitute for spending consistent time alone in His presence. The cost is great. But the rewards are even greater. If we want to be transformed, we must be willing to:

Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord;

Abide in Him always, and feed on His Word...

Take time to be holy, the world rushes on;

Much time spend in secret with Jesus alone;

By looking to Jesus, like Him though shalt be;

The friend in they condeuct His likeness shall see.

~ Willeam D. Longstaff (1822-94)"

A Place of Quiet Rest

~Nancy Leigh DeMoss

----

I know I have written several times about the urgent need in all of our lives for prayer, but recently in I was remind again of how important prayer is.

Sometimes in all my bustling around I slack in the one area of my life that should always remain consistent. Prayer. Again and again I have reaped the fruits of my lack of faithfulness in seeking my Maker. I have been overwhelmed, discouraged, and lacking direction.

When I finally sit down to ask myself why things have been going so badly, why I am so frustrated at every turn, I usually do not have to search my heart long to discover that I have been doing it again. I have been trying to do everything alone.

So often God has used circumstances, things that push me to my limits, to remind me that I need Him. That I cannot hope to cope with all life throws at me, alone. I need Him, and I need to seek Him out daily.

What are some things that encourage you to be consistent in your prayer life?

Talk Less, Pray More

 

Written September 10, 2012

A sigh escapes my lips...there is no one there. I look again five minutes later. Still no one. Have you ever found yourself constantly checking social networking sites in hopes that a friend gets on-line? I know I have. There are times when I want so bad just to talk. I don't really care who to, just someone so that I can get my mind off what is "bugging" me.

 

I am currently staying off most social networking sites where my friends are most active for that very reason. I realized that I had become dependant on talking to others because it was a way for me to escape. A way to stop thinking. When did thinking and deep thoughts become something which I wanted to run from? I used to sit for hours just thinking and writing our my thoughts. What has changed?

Maybe because my thoughts are ones that I have no answers to? It's easier if you have a problem to solve. You research, and in time you find a solution. But what about those thoughts that there is no real solution to as far as you are able to see. That is, no solution but to wait on the Lord. The ones that chase each other around and around your head and no matter how hard you try to stop thinking of them they don't go away.

 

Today I have a little cold and haven't felt up to my normal riggers, so I've been sitting still. I caught myself glaceing at my phone to see if anyone had texted, and looking at my inbox for a new email to answer. But there was nothing. I started to grow a little agitated. Where was everyone when I needed to talk? Then a simple truth came to mind. The things I wanted to talk about, they are things that only God has the answers to. Talking them over with friends is not a bad thing, and yet, is it profitable? They don't have answers and you still don't, so you are right where you started. If God knows the answers, why am I afraid (yes, afraid) to talk to Him about these things that will not leave my mind?

 

I am afraid because what if the things I want are not what He has planned? What if He says no? What if He says I need to wait...just wait for His timing? What if He tells me that I don't need answers. That I just need to have faith and trust in Him? I'm not good a waiting for answers. I like to know what lies ahead, what the plan is, have a schedule. I don't want to give up all of the things that I have dreamed about and prayed for, even if only for a season. In fact, I just want what I want. Or do I?

 

If I think about it long enough. If I face my fears and if I take those fears to the Lord, He teaches me that I don't really want what I think I want. He shows me where selfishness leads and reminds me of a better way. His way. If it brings Him glory (which in turn brings Him pleasure) then I desire to die to self. I desire to go where He leads even if it means walking in ways that I fear to trod. I desire to learn how to wait, patiently.

 

The next time I start looking to see if anyone is available for me to talk to. I am going to try to ask myself why it is I want to talk. And I pray that in times when I am running, I will learn to seek out silence and seek out my Lord. That my desires will become molded more and more into the likeness of His perfect plan.