Lessons in the DR

A little over a week ago today I arrived back from a trip with friends to the Dominican Republic. If you would like to read about some of our adventures, check out the links below.

 

 

Jenn (Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5,  

Day 6 & 7, Jarabacoa, La Tinajita, Samanà)

 

Jessie Bear (Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6,   

Hopefully more to come)

I have promised to sit down and share a little from my own perspective, but truth be told, I do not even know where to start. Perhaps at the beginning? For me day one was about a year ago. At that time Jessie Bear had just arrived home from her first trip to the Dominican Republic. She told me bits and pieces about the trip but what I remember most was the change in her vocabulary. She talked a lot about grace and about the soul. Somewhere back at the end of the summer of 2013, that was my day one.

At that time I was not even considering that there might be a next trip and that I would be on it. I was focused on life, and that life included the structure and pressure of a job and college classes amidst all the other aspects of daily life. However, the talk about the soul and what grace meant in daily life was creating questions in my mind. Questions that continued to bagger me, particularly one, "Do I really know what grace is?"

Time went on and Jessie Bear continued to talk about what she had learned, but not in the same direct way. I could see that what she had learned had changed her, grown her, and sometimes I felt at a loss to understand where she was in life. She seemed to grasp things in a new way that had made her more focused and even more alive. Yet, even though I saw the results, I could not fully grasp the truth behind the change. I wanted it too, but it seemed beyond me, to hard.

I was convinced I could not ever go because I had responsibilities and it was costly, but faithful friends were praying (some I did not even know about then) and over time pieces began to fall in place, God provided, and I went.

As I boarded my first plane I was resolved to listen well and to learn, but I was not aware of another resolve that had been developing below the surface. A determination to protect myself. You see, I felt vulnerable because of my questions on grace. Here I had been a Christian for years and here I was swamped in doubts out my understanding of grace. Yes, there was a lot of pride behind that fear, but remember, I did not realize all of this was going on. At least not yet.

​

As the trip progressed I enjoyed the newness of being in another country, the fun in observing new people, and the depth of the lessons we had each day. I was excited that some of my questions were answered and felt my understanding of grace began to deepen some. However, there were still some unvoiced questions hovering in the back of my mind. I never allowed myself time to even put them into words, but they were there none the less.

We were nearing the end of out trip and were seated at breakfast when Mr. Raimundo put a question to me. I do not even recall the exact question, but I think it was along the lines of what a key takeaway from the sessions had been to me. I said that it had been on the talks on grace and our completeness in Christ. How I had never fully grasped that, and how I always had such high standards for myself and others that we never reached them and I was always left feeling like a failure, judgemental, and even hopeless at times.

It was then that I truly began to learn, when I spoke up and voiced what was tumbling around inside. Mr. Raimundo stopped me and asked if I was sure that my standards were to high, and then went on to explain that, no, my standards were not to high, in fact, they were very low. He explained that God's standard is the highest, and it is not perfection. Do you know what it is? Grace. And what is grace? It is that Jesus died on a cross and took God's wrath upon Him so that we might live.

I wished I had taken notes, so that I could now more clearly explain using his questions and illustrations. But the fact is, over that breakfast, for the first time I felt like I was really beginning to grasp grace and how I should live because of how God pours out His grace on us. I had heard about grace time and time again, I had read God's Word many times over, but somehow the fullness of grace eluded me. I would see little glimpses of it, but it really had never sunk in and fully effected how I lived on a day to day bases.

The rest of the trip ended in a blur of sad lasts for us all, but I highly doubt that I was the only one who was also experiencing many exciting new firsts.

Often we go into things with expectations of what we hope to learn and take away, but the best lessons are the ones that God teaches when we are least expecting them. He truly does know what we need and is faithful to provide.

 

Even Here

The crunching sound of feet pounding on gravel.

The smell of dust as it swirls on the wind, blowing from a nearby cotton field

freshly plowed.

My breath comes quick, inhaling, exhaling at an accelerated pace.

In out, in out. My lungs begin to tire, yet I push on.

I glance down at my feet, willing them to keep stepping, and then up again at my distant goal.

Closer and closer. I can make out more detail, see the familiar growth that lines the side of the road.

I squint my eyes, and breath hard.

I can do this. I will my legs to keep on taking steps, my feet

to keep rising and falling.

This is the second time to day, running down this road.

The second time to urge my legs to keep on moving, my feet to crunch the gravel.

My mind starts to wonder a little as I keep pressing, pushing into

what was a breeze that is now a wind.

But no, I focus. One foot, and then another. This is not the time or place for deep thought. I look ahead, nearly there now.

I reach my goal, a corner post standing up among the weeds.

I gasp for air as I turn to walk the other way, to cool down.

I look into the golden glow of the sunset. I do not marvel at it's beauty this time.

I just glance down at my dusty shoes.

Thoughts come.

I cannot outrun them. I sigh.

 "Father, I don't know Your plan," I whisper. "And now, right now...right now I cannot even see Your hand."

I glance up, and see brown air in the distance. Dust on the wind.

"I want to see...but more to know, to trust..."

I bite my lip, I close my eyes for just a minute, my feet still walking me forward slowly.

"Lord, I know that You are there, I know that You care...

I know You see my heart.

You are GOOD..."

I sigh, softly pushing air through drying lips.

My heart is heavy as it thumbs hard against my ribs. I know He's listening so I stop. I turn to face the wind and close my eyes.

"You formed me, You rescued me, You know my heart...You are my God..."

I scrunch my eyes tight and slowly exhale.

"I don't know where You are taking me. I don't understand why...

But I'll trust You...for today."

I open my eyes and look up at dirty blue with a now golden hue. I look way up at the sky.

"Tomorrow...I cannot promise. I want to...

But I may falter...I may even run..." I whisper within my heart, knowing He hears.

I wish to be brave, to be strong, but I know the truth. I am weak.

I always fail. I always run.

I turn and beginning walking slowly homeward. Yes, I always run...

But He doesn't stand back and watch me leave.

I blink hard at the wetness in my eyes. No, He never lets me go alone.

He runs with me.

Right there beside me.

A verse I memorized long ago comes to mind as I continue homeward.

"Whither shall I go from Thy spirit?

or whither shall I flee from Thy from they presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold,

thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the

uttermost parts of the sea;

Even there

shall Thy hand lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me."

Yes, even there when I am running.

Even there when I am afraid. He's always there. He's holding, He's leading.

Yes, He is GOOD.

My lips turn slightly upward, the burden starts to slip away.

My hands relax at my side.

Yes, He is Good...even here. Even when I can't see.

Even when tomorrow is unknown.

Yes...especially here.

"On the day I called, You answered me; my strength of soul you increased."

Psalm 138:3

He Finds Me Here - Part 2

Read Part 1
 

The days were busy, the goals many. I pushed forward, rushed here then there. Each day was filled so full. I was doing good things, wasn't I?

Yes, My Lord must be pleased. I was serving His people. Making them feel treasured and special. And that counted for something,

didn't it?

Only, you see, I was missing it. He, the Mighty Savior of all creation, longed for something more from me. He who healed the lame, made the blinded eyes to see.

He who died and rose again on day three. No, He holds the power of

heaven and earth within His all capable hands. It wasn't my efforts that would make the greatest difference. It was His love. The love which

He gives freely to all who will receive.

I am called to love others as self, but above this I am called to love Him

with all that is in me. All that I am.

In the rush, the busyness, the "good," I lost sight of the Hope, the Way,

the Truth. I made myself a god. I was responsible for

the happiness and joy of others. I was hope to the world.

Do you see the problem? The mistake?

In the midst of my self-sufficiency, I lost sight of Him. Memory of my sins and failings grew so large within, that breath died within me.

No matter of hard work or giving of self could wipe away the stains.

Hope languished, died.

How could He love me? Me, who's sins

nailed Him to a tree? Me, who's heart was full of darkness?

So, in those days the truth was hidden, I was blind and could not see.

Through His mercy, through His grace, over time He worked, spoke truth and became new within.

Open my blinded eyes that I once more might see, His truth, His grace, His love for me. He died, not so that I could become perfect in and of me, but that

in Him I might be set truly free. In Him be perfected.

In my weaknesses, He made strong.

In my weaknesses Him glorified. Lifted high. In me, His righteousness be shown.

In me, His great love be known.

It was never,

never about me. Always about Him. And when I lost sight of that truth,

I lost sight of Him too. I lost sight of His love, mercy, grace.

All I could see was my failings. Blinded by them,

life lost its appeal. But, thank the Lord, in that darkness He came, came

and rescued me once more. Showed me truth, love, such great

love. Showered me with His care.

And in those mostly-alone-days He extracted from my heart

such joy, such praise. I was saved once,

but each day He continues to ransom, continues His love, continues His redemption. I shall falter. I shall fail.

Yet, in the end His love always will prevail.

What a wondrous God do we serve!

He Finds Me Here - Part 1

The sky is dark, all but the lights in the distance that speckle the horizon.

The house is quiet, but not too quiet.

"Bump-ity-bump," the dryer balls spin round and round

amongst the still damp towels.

The hum of the dishwasher and my computer add to the comforting, homey sounds as I await my families return.

 

I breathe deep and revel in the relative stillness of the house.

This time has been good. God has been good. In this mostly-alone-time He has showed me more of Himself. Whispered truths into my worn and weary heart.

He loves me.

 

I struggled to know this not so long ago, doubt and lies trying to rob me of my hope and trust.

But here, here as time balances between the new and old years, even if only for a few hours, here He met me. Here He linked truths together so that I would know.

 

Here He removed doubts, uncovered lies.

Here He made my heart to rejoice again in His truth and love. Here He made the passion and deep joy spring forth once more.

 

A familiar sing song rhythm beats within, slow and sweet.

Each breath becomes a prayer. A praise.

 

I've missed this. When did it slip away? All day the question comes and goes. When had the sweetness faded, the joy gotten lost?

Washed White As Snow



Do you ever find that grace is hard to comprehend, especially the grace of God? Have you ever struggled not to view yourself as the blackest and most vile of sinners even after salvation? Someone whom God has slopped the white paint of His grace over, much like someone slopping white paint on a black wall, trying to hide the darkness but failing so that blackness peeks through and shadows the white. You see yourself as though you are only a partly covered by His grace, but underneath is your pitch black soul. You think, but how could He love me, does He not see my sin, my worthlessness and failings? You fight this idea of grace, freely given, that washes you bleached white. Grace that is not poorly covering your sin, but grace that has washed it all away as totally as bleach washes your mother's sheets crisp and spotless white.

 

"But how could anyone love me that much if they really knew what I am?"

 

This is the mystery, the greatness, that has left generations in awe. There is no human reasoning that could explain a love like His. A love that sees, not passed our sin, but sees us as though we had never sinned. Who does not see us as we once were, but as we never can be on earth, sinless, flawless, perfect.

 

There is nothing we can do to attain this perfection in His eyes. No number of works or words. It is the amazing grace extended to us, the righteousness of His own Son.

 

"He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him" (2 Corinthians 5:21).

 

 

Rest?

"Do we never hear the question "What is the harm of it?" asked about reading certain books, following certain pursuits, taking our recreation in certain ways? Perhaps… we need change of thought and rest of brain. "What is the harm of the latest novel, even if it happens to be rather unprofitable?" And we (who have not time to read one out of a thousand of the real books that have been written) spend a precious hour by deliberate choice over something not worthwhile; and when our immediate world interrupts us, breaking in upon us with some call, do we find that we come back to it with quite undistracted gladness?" ~Amy Carmichael

When I read this quote I replaced  "real books" with "real book." With the Bible. How often when I "need" change of thought or rest of brain to I turn to things other than the Bible? Other than God.

 

 I read fiction, watch a movie, chat with friends, write in my journal. Those things aren't perhaps bad, but are they really the rest my soul desires?

I realize that I have been building a habit of turning my brain off, of avoiding the things which trouble me instead of taking them to God. Instead of seeking His Word. True rest is in trusting Him with the unseen, not running from it.

 

I give thanks to the God of grace who is continually working to conform me into His likeness!

 

Standing on the Rock

Recently we had rain. We have not had much in a while, so it was a real blessing. After the rain the air was so fresh and cool that I just "had" to go out and explore a little. I found the acreage behind the house had turned into a shallow pond. Beyond that was a "fort" my siblings had dug into the ground, so I had to go see if it was full or not. I waded through water and mud and finally was able to see into the trenched out fort. It was full of rain water and the dirt walls that my siblings had piled around it where becoming so saturated by the water from the neighboring field, that they were beginning to fall into the murky water filled trench.

 

You know, sometimes we are like those saturated wall. We know that we are called by our Lord to be in the world, but not of it, but sometimes we stand just as close as we can get to the world, looking over at it. "It can't hurt us" we say. But the world's influnces are many and they slowly but surely can flow in and surround us if we let our guard down, much like the rain water from the neighbors field slowly seeped in and surround my siblings dirt walls surround their fortress, their safe place.

 

Before we realize it, the ways of the world begin to seep into our lives and saturate us, and we begin to crumble. The walls that were once strong, standing against the evil of the world become soft and our standards which were once high slip lower and lower until people looking on can no longer can see the difference. Then they may ask, "So, if you are a Christian and I am not and yet we speak the same, we dress the same, we like the same music and movies, why do I need Jesus? Why do you?" And what opportunities we may have had to witness have been swallowed up in the murky waters that we though could not harm us.

 

Any good that is in man, is there by the grace of the Lord. There may be times when we are tempted to think that the world cannot hurt us because we are too strong. But, the fact is, if we do not surround ourselves with the Word of the Lord to the point of becoming saturated in it, and if we are not continually seeking Him and are not continually on our guard, we will fall. It is not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Why, because in and of ourselves we are weak. We cannot stand...but for Him. 

 

Everyday is a battle. Our hope and safety from the murky sin filled water of the world is on top of the Solid Rock. He is our strength, our stronghold. Are you standing firmly on the Rock? 

 

"The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him."

Nahum 1:7

The Greatest Gift

 

"If we have the slightest clue about being bought by the blood of Jesus, we won't see how much we can get away with. We'll see how much we can honor Him. True, there is not a sin that you or I could muster up that would make God say, 'I don't love you anymore.' But that doesn't mean we have the right to take His grace for granted." ~ David Nasser


If we know what a sacrifice was made for us by Jesus, if we grasped how much He gave of Himself for us, then we could not help but to live every moment of every day in a way that honors and pleases Him. Think of it like this, if someone nearly died saving your child (or insert your mother, father, or dearest loved one's name here) from a raging fire, would you not be grateful to that person and show them gratitude? Would you not do whatever was in your power to show them that you valued their willingness to, if need be, sacrifice their very life trying to save the one you love with all your heart?

Well, Jesus did that. He died to save your loved one from a fire bigger and hotter than any forest fire. He also died to save you from the same fate. And would you dare to be anything but grateful for that sacrifice? Should you not live a life of gratitude? Should you not do your best to honor Him? Yes, we will all fail, we will all sin, we will never be perfect on this earth. I get that. But, shouldn't we seek everyday to live in a way that says "thank you" for the great sacrifice of the cross instead of pushing limits to see how much we can "get away with"? 

If we really understand grace, and the price of the gift given to us by our Heavenly Father through His only Son, we can't take it for granted.