Saying No to Say Yes

There are those seasons in life that seem extra busy. Those seasons where you just do not have enough time in each day to accomplish all the things that you had hoped to. I'm finding that those are coming more and more and that I am having to learn to say no to things much more frequently. Recently I felt the need to drop out of a Bible Study with some dear friends simply because I just wasn't able to keep up, and falling behind proved to be stressful and sent me to bed each night regretting that despite my best efforts I hadn't answered even one single question, much less done a whole lesson.

Then today a friend shared a mommy blog post. I like mommy blogs even though I'm not a mom, and so I took a minute to read it while on lunch break. And I had to smile. I think my life is hectic and I don't have children hanging off of me. I thought, "Well, am I saying no to quickly? If she can do that, maybe I can do more?"

But as I thought about that, I realized that each season of life has it's own moments of hecticness, and that her busy is different than my busy. What I say no to, will be different than what she says no to, but that doesn't mean either of us is wrong. We are just in different seasons of life. We all need to say no sometimes. The important thing is to evaluate what we are saying yes too, and making sure that that is in line with what God has for us in our current season of life, and evaluate our no's in the same manner. Right now one of my big yes is finishing my college education. Later when I have finished college, my yeses will be for something else. 

So, what are you saying no to so that you can say yes to the most important things in life? Namely your relationship with the Lord.

Yeah, I know, I said life was crazy enough so that I couldn't even do a Bible study lesson and here I am writing a rambling blog post. While my lunch is getting cold no less. But you see, for some people, writing is every bit as important as eating. ;)

Lessons in the DR

A little over a week ago today I arrived back from a trip with friends to the Dominican Republic. If you would like to read about some of our adventures, check out the links below.

 

 

Jenn (Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5,  

Day 6 & 7, Jarabacoa, La Tinajita, Samanà)

 

Jessie Bear (Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6,   

Hopefully more to come)

I have promised to sit down and share a little from my own perspective, but truth be told, I do not even know where to start. Perhaps at the beginning? For me day one was about a year ago. At that time Jessie Bear had just arrived home from her first trip to the Dominican Republic. She told me bits and pieces about the trip but what I remember most was the change in her vocabulary. She talked a lot about grace and about the soul. Somewhere back at the end of the summer of 2013, that was my day one.

At that time I was not even considering that there might be a next trip and that I would be on it. I was focused on life, and that life included the structure and pressure of a job and college classes amidst all the other aspects of daily life. However, the talk about the soul and what grace meant in daily life was creating questions in my mind. Questions that continued to bagger me, particularly one, "Do I really know what grace is?"

Time went on and Jessie Bear continued to talk about what she had learned, but not in the same direct way. I could see that what she had learned had changed her, grown her, and sometimes I felt at a loss to understand where she was in life. She seemed to grasp things in a new way that had made her more focused and even more alive. Yet, even though I saw the results, I could not fully grasp the truth behind the change. I wanted it too, but it seemed beyond me, to hard.

I was convinced I could not ever go because I had responsibilities and it was costly, but faithful friends were praying (some I did not even know about then) and over time pieces began to fall in place, God provided, and I went.

As I boarded my first plane I was resolved to listen well and to learn, but I was not aware of another resolve that had been developing below the surface. A determination to protect myself. You see, I felt vulnerable because of my questions on grace. Here I had been a Christian for years and here I was swamped in doubts out my understanding of grace. Yes, there was a lot of pride behind that fear, but remember, I did not realize all of this was going on. At least not yet.

​

As the trip progressed I enjoyed the newness of being in another country, the fun in observing new people, and the depth of the lessons we had each day. I was excited that some of my questions were answered and felt my understanding of grace began to deepen some. However, there were still some unvoiced questions hovering in the back of my mind. I never allowed myself time to even put them into words, but they were there none the less.

We were nearing the end of out trip and were seated at breakfast when Mr. Raimundo put a question to me. I do not even recall the exact question, but I think it was along the lines of what a key takeaway from the sessions had been to me. I said that it had been on the talks on grace and our completeness in Christ. How I had never fully grasped that, and how I always had such high standards for myself and others that we never reached them and I was always left feeling like a failure, judgemental, and even hopeless at times.

It was then that I truly began to learn, when I spoke up and voiced what was tumbling around inside. Mr. Raimundo stopped me and asked if I was sure that my standards were to high, and then went on to explain that, no, my standards were not to high, in fact, they were very low. He explained that God's standard is the highest, and it is not perfection. Do you know what it is? Grace. And what is grace? It is that Jesus died on a cross and took God's wrath upon Him so that we might live.

I wished I had taken notes, so that I could now more clearly explain using his questions and illustrations. But the fact is, over that breakfast, for the first time I felt like I was really beginning to grasp grace and how I should live because of how God pours out His grace on us. I had heard about grace time and time again, I had read God's Word many times over, but somehow the fullness of grace eluded me. I would see little glimpses of it, but it really had never sunk in and fully effected how I lived on a day to day bases.

The rest of the trip ended in a blur of sad lasts for us all, but I highly doubt that I was the only one who was also experiencing many exciting new firsts.

Often we go into things with expectations of what we hope to learn and take away, but the best lessons are the ones that God teaches when we are least expecting them. He truly does know what we need and is faithful to provide.

 

Despising the Gift?

The sun beat hard my forehead as my eyes scanned the horizon.

A puffing breeze made the warmness just bearable.

"Lord God Almighty, Creator of the universe...You are powerful,

Your might extends across the heavens and the earth.

Your love to all generations..."

My eyes descend the earth just in front of my feet.

"You are amazing in every way, and you love me..."

I shake my head.

"Then why is it that I feel so empty? Why will this thirst not be quenched?"

My skin is sticky, but I stay there in the sun.

Waiting.

Hoping for an answer.

I sigh and turn to go in, out of the mugginess, the question still there.

"Why?"

The day moves on. I focus. I work hard. I accomplish many goals.

And yet, I want more. I even think that I need more.

I clock out. The work day completed. I sit back, I pray.

"Father, fill me up. Be my everything. My all.

Let this ache, this burning ache, go away. Be my comfort. Still my heart."

The day goes on and I do some chores, get ready for the next day.

Yet, in it all the whispered prayer for more, for deliverance

continues with each breath.

The sun is setting, the breeze has cooled, and the smell of rain lingers in the air.

I walk slowly along the familiar gravel pathway, listening to the rustling

of the wind running through the fields.

The prayer from earlier echos even stronger within my heart.

"Lord, my God, my Father -- I know that You do all things well and for good...

but why must this ache persist? Why must I always feel like

a pilgrim in the desert, dying of thirst?"

I listen as I walk, and pray for more of Him and then it comes.

A question.

"What if this ache isn't suppose to go away? What if this thirst isn't supposed to die? What if the very thing you beg for Him to take is the very gift

He gave?"

I stand still as the wind tugs at my hair.

I stare up into the cloud-filled heavens. I smell rain's sweet sent.

"What if this thirst, this ache for more, was a gift?

Hadn't I just prayed the day before, telling Him that I wanted to long for Him more than ANYTHING?

What if this was the answer?

What if this need, this brokenness, was the gift?"

My mind wondered.

2 Corinthians 12:9 came into focus.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

Was this weakness? Was this where His strength could be

perfected? Where glory could be given?"

"Maybe once again I was trying to get rid of the pain and discomfort that was meant to be kept?

Maybe I was trying to be whole when I can best serve Him

broken?"

The thoughts continued to tumble.

"Yes, maybe this thirst so deep that nothing but Him alone can satisfy was a gift. Maybe it wasn't something to try to shake

or loose, but something to embrace. To treasure.

Maybe this ache that kept driving me to my knees and into His arms

was something I didn't want to loose?

Maybe it was a reminder

of how very wonderful and awesome He is?

Maybe it was what I'd been praying for all along? A chance to never, ever

loose sight of His face. To never stop seeking Him with

all that I am?"

I began to walk again.

"Thank You, Lord, for meeting me here.

For speaking to my weary and longing heart.

Thank you for reminding me that sometimes we shouldn't seek to

escape the hardship, the weaknesses, but instead we should embrace them. Cling to them...because in that brokenness and need, there are You found.

There are You glorified."

The corners of my mouth lifted into a little smile.A sigh made its way from my heart to my lips.

He always meets me here. In the quite. In the stillness.

He always meets me here and whispers words into my ear that I never dreamed I'd hear.

His grace is amazing. His love and mercy never ending. And His

steadfastness is as constant as the rising and setting of the sun.

And once again my soul rejoices, because He is GOOD.

~~~~

"Who have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth:

but  God is the strength of my heart

and my portion for ever."

Psalm 75: 25 & 26

Imposter Enchiladas

​Impostor Enchiladas
Looks like it, smells like it, but doesn't taste quite like it.

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

Boil the chicken breasts in 4-6 cups of water until completely cooked. Save the water/broth. Take chicken out and chop into 1/4 inch pieces and set aside.

1 small onion finely chopped

3-6 T. pickles jalapenos finely chopped (or green chilies to taste)

1 1/2 t. salt

1/2 t. garlic powder

1 t. celery salt

1/4 t. ground back pepper

Use the water/broth you held back (4-6 cups) to start your sauce. Added the onion, peppers, and spices and bring to a simmer over medium high heat. Slowly add 1/2-1 cup thickener (wheat flour, cornstarch, rice flour) and stir slowly until thickened (5 minutes). Take off heat.

16 oz. sour cream

Shredded Cheddar cheese

Tortillas

Lightly grease a 9 x13" inch casserole pan (can use Pam). Ladle sauce into the pan until the bottom is covered (1/4 inch?). Take a tortilla, fold it in half, and then tear along the fold line. Spread sour cream over the tortilla (it doesn't have to cover the entire thing. Add a pinch of chicken (1 tablespoon) and a pinch of shredded cheese on top of the sour cream at one end of the tortilla. Roll the tortilla and place in pan on top of sauce. Repeat until the pan is full. Cover the top with sauce (1/4 - 1/2 inch). Sprinkle cheese on top. Bake at 350* for 30-40 minutes until cheese is melted completely. Serve.

I came up with this recipe one night when I didn't feel like eating any of our "normal" family dishes. My sister helped me come up with a name for it and the rest, as they say, is history. 

Even Here

The crunching sound of feet pounding on gravel.

The smell of dust as it swirls on the wind, blowing from a nearby cotton field

freshly plowed.

My breath comes quick, inhaling, exhaling at an accelerated pace.

In out, in out. My lungs begin to tire, yet I push on.

I glance down at my feet, willing them to keep stepping, and then up again at my distant goal.

Closer and closer. I can make out more detail, see the familiar growth that lines the side of the road.

I squint my eyes, and breath hard.

I can do this. I will my legs to keep on taking steps, my feet

to keep rising and falling.

This is the second time to day, running down this road.

The second time to urge my legs to keep on moving, my feet to crunch the gravel.

My mind starts to wonder a little as I keep pressing, pushing into

what was a breeze that is now a wind.

But no, I focus. One foot, and then another. This is not the time or place for deep thought. I look ahead, nearly there now.

I reach my goal, a corner post standing up among the weeds.

I gasp for air as I turn to walk the other way, to cool down.

I look into the golden glow of the sunset. I do not marvel at it's beauty this time.

I just glance down at my dusty shoes.

Thoughts come.

I cannot outrun them. I sigh.

 "Father, I don't know Your plan," I whisper. "And now, right now...right now I cannot even see Your hand."

I glance up, and see brown air in the distance. Dust on the wind.

"I want to see...but more to know, to trust..."

I bite my lip, I close my eyes for just a minute, my feet still walking me forward slowly.

"Lord, I know that You are there, I know that You care...

I know You see my heart.

You are GOOD..."

I sigh, softly pushing air through drying lips.

My heart is heavy as it thumbs hard against my ribs. I know He's listening so I stop. I turn to face the wind and close my eyes.

"You formed me, You rescued me, You know my heart...You are my God..."

I scrunch my eyes tight and slowly exhale.

"I don't know where You are taking me. I don't understand why...

But I'll trust You...for today."

I open my eyes and look up at dirty blue with a now golden hue. I look way up at the sky.

"Tomorrow...I cannot promise. I want to...

But I may falter...I may even run..." I whisper within my heart, knowing He hears.

I wish to be brave, to be strong, but I know the truth. I am weak.

I always fail. I always run.

I turn and beginning walking slowly homeward. Yes, I always run...

But He doesn't stand back and watch me leave.

I blink hard at the wetness in my eyes. No, He never lets me go alone.

He runs with me.

Right there beside me.

A verse I memorized long ago comes to mind as I continue homeward.

"Whither shall I go from Thy spirit?

or whither shall I flee from Thy from they presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold,

thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the

uttermost parts of the sea;

Even there

shall Thy hand lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me."

Yes, even there when I am running.

Even there when I am afraid. He's always there. He's holding, He's leading.

Yes, He is GOOD.

My lips turn slightly upward, the burden starts to slip away.

My hands relax at my side.

Yes, He is Good...even here. Even when I can't see.

Even when tomorrow is unknown.

Yes...especially here.

"On the day I called, You answered me; my strength of soul you increased."

Psalm 138:3

Procrastination, A Lack of Trust

February 5, 2014

Have you ever been so busy that you never seem to have a down moment? You go from one task to another all day long and reach each evening feeling further behind instead of more caught up. You tell your friends you would love to join them in this or that, but you are just too busy and cannot spare time just now. And yet, beneath all of the busy you are procrastinating.

Have you been there? I have.

Some of my own struggles in procrastinating has been rooted in my fear of being still, quiet, and trusting in the unseen hand of God Almighty. To cover up any sense of guilt or shame for not trusting, I often allow myself to become super busy and tell myself that each task is important and the world would all but stop if I stopped. Can you say pride and foolishness?

This ultimate struggle to surrender and let go of control, placing my trust in the One who is most worthy of trust, pushes me into a tizzy. I go and go and go until one day I realize that it is all empty. I am busy, but it amounts to nothing more than burned energy and a dissatisfied heart.

Have you allowed procrastination and busyness to rob you of the joy of being still and letting God be God? Have you taken matters into your own frail hands and "made" a life for yourself that is deceivingly full, but frightfully empty? If you have, I challenge you to be still and let that truth sink in. Then take some time and talk with the Lord about this area of sin in your life and start tomorrow afresh. Start by being prayerful and careful about what you say "yes" to and what you need to say "no" to.

He is worthy of our trust, and He has so much more for us then empty busyness.

"O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him" (Psalm 34:8).

Crazy Day Taco Soup

 
If your family is like my family you probably have those crazy days every now and then where things do not go as planned and as dinner time nears you have nothing prepared. On those days you need something quick and easy, right? And surely you wouldn't object if it was quick, easy, and good would you?

One of my families relatively new "crazy day" favorites is our own special version of taco soup. Now, let me warn you, we always make a LOT so you may want to size this recipe down to fit your family.

Crazy Day Taco Soup

2 lbs. taco meat

4-5 (14.5 oz.) cans of beans (we like a mix of ranch beans, black beans, and red kidney beans)

2-3 (14.5 oz.) cans of white hominy (corn could also be used, but my family prefers the hominy)

1 (28 oz.) can of crushed tomatoes

1 (8 oz.) can of tomato sauce

1 (4 oz.) can of chopped green chilies

1 medium onion, chopped

2-3 cups milk (we often add extra water and use powdered milk)

Combine ingredients in big pot, add 5-6 cups of water and heat until hot. Serve with corn chips on the side. Top each bowl with grated cheese, a dollup of sour cream, and if desired, your favorite salsa.

Servings: 12+

Pixels of the BIG Picture

May 22, 2013

 

I was thinking of how I often have prayed, "Lord, open my eyes so that I may see things more like You do." And then when He does, I squirm and I want the "extra sight" to go away. I don't want to be burdened by the hurts and sins I see. I don't want to ache day and night over my own sins and failings. I just want life to be easy, and I want to be happy. I want life to be about me, because I am selfish. The truth is, life isn't about me. It wasn't ever meant to be. It was meant to be about Him. So today I've been asking myself, do I really want to see as He sees? Do I really want my heart to ache as His must? It will cost...am I willing to die to self? I'm not saying that God doesn't find joy in watching His children. He does! But it only takes one look into the world through eyes that He has opened just the tiniest bit to see how much pain there is as well.

 

Praying that we may see as He does in some aspects is good, but have you ever thought about how overwhelmed we would become if we even so 1/100,000,000th of what He sees? We could not carry such burdens, no rejoice with half as much exuberance as would be needed....He sees the BIG picture, and we just see a few pixels.

 

When we ask God for things, we should always remember to ask it in the spirit of, "if it is Your will" and "if it is good for me." What we think we want and what we really need are two different things. I don't know about you, but I find it comforting to know that He knows my needs and He gives accordingly. Even when it means not answering my prayers for more of something because He knows that I am not ready for more.

He Finds Me Here - Part 2

Read Part 1
 

The days were busy, the goals many. I pushed forward, rushed here then there. Each day was filled so full. I was doing good things, wasn't I?

Yes, My Lord must be pleased. I was serving His people. Making them feel treasured and special. And that counted for something,

didn't it?

Only, you see, I was missing it. He, the Mighty Savior of all creation, longed for something more from me. He who healed the lame, made the blinded eyes to see.

He who died and rose again on day three. No, He holds the power of

heaven and earth within His all capable hands. It wasn't my efforts that would make the greatest difference. It was His love. The love which

He gives freely to all who will receive.

I am called to love others as self, but above this I am called to love Him

with all that is in me. All that I am.

In the rush, the busyness, the "good," I lost sight of the Hope, the Way,

the Truth. I made myself a god. I was responsible for

the happiness and joy of others. I was hope to the world.

Do you see the problem? The mistake?

In the midst of my self-sufficiency, I lost sight of Him. Memory of my sins and failings grew so large within, that breath died within me.

No matter of hard work or giving of self could wipe away the stains.

Hope languished, died.

How could He love me? Me, who's sins

nailed Him to a tree? Me, who's heart was full of darkness?

So, in those days the truth was hidden, I was blind and could not see.

Through His mercy, through His grace, over time He worked, spoke truth and became new within.

Open my blinded eyes that I once more might see, His truth, His grace, His love for me. He died, not so that I could become perfect in and of me, but that

in Him I might be set truly free. In Him be perfected.

In my weaknesses, He made strong.

In my weaknesses Him glorified. Lifted high. In me, His righteousness be shown.

In me, His great love be known.

It was never,

never about me. Always about Him. And when I lost sight of that truth,

I lost sight of Him too. I lost sight of His love, mercy, grace.

All I could see was my failings. Blinded by them,

life lost its appeal. But, thank the Lord, in that darkness He came, came

and rescued me once more. Showed me truth, love, such great

love. Showered me with His care.

And in those mostly-alone-days He extracted from my heart

such joy, such praise. I was saved once,

but each day He continues to ransom, continues His love, continues His redemption. I shall falter. I shall fail.

Yet, in the end His love always will prevail.

What a wondrous God do we serve!

He Finds Me Here - Part 1

The sky is dark, all but the lights in the distance that speckle the horizon.

The house is quiet, but not too quiet.

"Bump-ity-bump," the dryer balls spin round and round

amongst the still damp towels.

The hum of the dishwasher and my computer add to the comforting, homey sounds as I await my families return.

 

I breathe deep and revel in the relative stillness of the house.

This time has been good. God has been good. In this mostly-alone-time He has showed me more of Himself. Whispered truths into my worn and weary heart.

He loves me.

 

I struggled to know this not so long ago, doubt and lies trying to rob me of my hope and trust.

But here, here as time balances between the new and old years, even if only for a few hours, here He met me. Here He linked truths together so that I would know.

 

Here He removed doubts, uncovered lies.

Here He made my heart to rejoice again in His truth and love. Here He made the passion and deep joy spring forth once more.

 

A familiar sing song rhythm beats within, slow and sweet.

Each breath becomes a prayer. A praise.

 

I've missed this. When did it slip away? All day the question comes and goes. When had the sweetness faded, the joy gotten lost?

Prayer, a Picture of Dependence

"P.T. Forsyth once said, 'The worst sin is prayerlessness.' Does this statement surprise us? We usually think of murder and adultery as among the worst offenses against God and humanity. But the root of all sin is self-sufficiency--independence from the rule of God. When we fail to wait prayerfully for God's guidance and strength, we are saying with our actions, if not with our words, that we do not need. Him. How much of our service is actually a 'going it alone'?" 

~ Charles E. Hummel

Tyranny of the Urgent

-----------------

 

If you understand the depravity of humankind, the thought that you are self-sufficient and can successfully walk through life alone is laughable. Until you realize that you often live as though you were sufficient, not prayerfully waiting upon and seeking the Lord.

Perhaps you have been there? You say that without Him you are nothing, you admit that there is no good in you, but you go about life, rarely stopping to speak with the Lord. You life is full, you are too busy. Any prayers are whispered on the run, and most often consist of "help me, help them, bless us" and little else.

What kind of relationship is that? You never stop to listen, never stop to have deep conversation. Isn't it hollow, empty? Doesn't it say that you do not need them/Him to exist? That you can "go it alone"?

I've been there. More times then I wish to count. Oh, thanks be to the God of mercy Who opens our eyes that we might see!

My prayer today, as we enter this holiday season, is that we will realize that the most important thing we can do, the most urgent thing, is to stop and spend time in prayer. He is the source of good, He is the One Who saves the lost, it is in Him alone that we have hope and that we can offer hope.

 

"Be Thou my strong habitation, where unto I may continually resort."

Psalm 71:3

I Asked the Lord

A friend recently shared this hymn with me. It is fast becoming a favorite.

 

 

 

I Asked the Lord

 

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

 

’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

 

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

 

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

 

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low

 

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

 

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”

 

~John Newton

Jesus, Lift My Eyes

 

Jesus, I lift my eyes to the heavens
Where does my help come from
You, O my Lord
My heart has a thousand words to say
Please, Lord, turn burdens into praise
 

from "Jesus, Lift My Eyes" by the Pat Little Band

 

"Please, Lord, turn burdens into praise." Lord, not only the burdens of this life that sometimes threaten to overwhelm, but also the burden of having a thousands of words to say in worship of You and no way to express them all in this lifetime. You are my help, and when I lift my eyes to the heavens I am reminded of Your grace and faithfulness. Both of which I do not deserve, but still You lovely grant anyway. May Your praise ever be on my lips!

Washed White As Snow



Do you ever find that grace is hard to comprehend, especially the grace of God? Have you ever struggled not to view yourself as the blackest and most vile of sinners even after salvation? Someone whom God has slopped the white paint of His grace over, much like someone slopping white paint on a black wall, trying to hide the darkness but failing so that blackness peeks through and shadows the white. You see yourself as though you are only a partly covered by His grace, but underneath is your pitch black soul. You think, but how could He love me, does He not see my sin, my worthlessness and failings? You fight this idea of grace, freely given, that washes you bleached white. Grace that is not poorly covering your sin, but grace that has washed it all away as totally as bleach washes your mother's sheets crisp and spotless white.

 

"But how could anyone love me that much if they really knew what I am?"

 

This is the mystery, the greatness, that has left generations in awe. There is no human reasoning that could explain a love like His. A love that sees, not passed our sin, but sees us as though we had never sinned. Who does not see us as we once were, but as we never can be on earth, sinless, flawless, perfect.

 

There is nothing we can do to attain this perfection in His eyes. No number of works or words. It is the amazing grace extended to us, the righteousness of His own Son.

 

"He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him" (2 Corinthians 5:21).

 

 

For This Too, Will I Trust

Sometimes living in the past holds an appeal. You wish you could go back and be there again. "But, why?" I asked myself. "Is it the appeal of knowing what happened already and knowing that there would not be any surprises? Or at least, not surprises in a bad way."

 

I pause. I sit back. I play the past through my head. It is like an old friend. I know the twists and turns it will take. It is sweetly familiar. I smile.

 

My mind turns again to the question at hand and I look deep at the future. It is filled with possibilities. It is like lump of clay that could be molded in one of thousands of ways before being painted, textured, fired in another thousand ways. It has endless possibilities, but until the artist begins to mold and make, it is just a lifeless lump of nothingness. It has no beauty. No shape. Only the artist knows what it will be and what processes it will go through to arrive at that more refined and beautiful shape.

 

Life is like that. We look forward and see a thousand possibilities, and a thousand ways to get to them. We do not know what the end of our life will look like, when we will reach it, or what processes we will go through to reach that, hopefully, more refined, sanctified, and beautiful imitation of our Savor. Until the Artist has finished His working on and within our lives, we cannot guess at the outcome. We can pray for and work towards a desired oneness with Him, but only by the workings of His grace in us will we reach such a desired end.

 

"Yes, perhaps," I mused. "Perhaps this is the appeal in the past. We know the outcome because we have already reach it. The future stands before us nameless and shapeless and it requires trust."

 

Trust. How hard it is to trust. And yet, as Ann Voskamp states in her memorable way in One Thousand Gifts, "If God didn't withhold from us His very own Son, will God withhold anything we need?"

 

He has already fulfilled our biggest need. Eradicated our biggest need of fear. Why is it then that we do not trust? Why is it that we are tempted to wish ourselves back in time, standing in trembling fear of what lies ahead? Why do we doubt the One who has already been more faithful than we could ever be? More loving, kind, and merciful that we could ever deserve?

 

I pause. I look into the brilliant display of evening colors and my heart sings. Wordless praise flows forth to the One who holds my tomorrow. It is like reaching forth to place my hand once more in the work-worn hand of the Master artist. A pray whispers forth from my lips, "Lord, make me more like You. Mold me more and more into your likeness with each passing hour."

 

 

"But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay,

and thou our potter; and we all are the

work of thy hand."

~ Isaiah 64:8

"It is a good thing to give thanks unto the LORD, and to
sing praises unto thy name, O most High: To shew forth thy lovingkindness in the morning, and they faithfulness every night." ~ Psalm 92:1-2

And Then...It Didn't Happen

There was a determined air to her little chin as she jutted it out as if to dared anyone to challenge her. She was five and she was already tired of the looks people gave down their noses when she answered their all important question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" They could laugh and sneer and pass those "knowing" looks around her for a hundred years and that could not change the dream buried deep within her little girl heart. Yes, despite all the scorn she knew what she wanted to be when she grew up. She wanted to be a wife and a mother. She wanted to keep a house, change dippers, wipe little faces, and be there to welcome her husband home at the end of a long day.

 

Maybe her thoughts were not quite as detailed as that, but over time they would grow to be. At five she never even doubted it would happen. At twelve, sixteen, eighteen and even twenty she never doubted and her dream stood strong. And then, after that as each year passed, doubts began to creep in and the dream began to crack just a little and the sureness she had once had began to waver. Would it fall?

 

~

Are you that girl? Are you passing up your twenties with the speed of a freight train on a rickety track feeling that any minute you may come to a bridge that will not hold your dreams up and they will come crashing down all around you? You wanted nothing more than to marry young and thought that by now you would have a house full of little ones. Only, it didn't happen.

 

So now what? What do you do with those desires? And are those desires being shaped in God glorifying ways?

 

I recently sat down to write, to try to make sense of the many thoughts and questions that whirled in my own head. While I was sitting there, fingers poised over the keys, questions began to pop out on the page. "What is it that I desire from marriage? Why do I desire these things? Are they godly desires or selfish ones?"

 

Those were some deep questions but I really did want know my heart answers. As is often my habit when I have something to think through, I slipped on my shoes and set out on a walk, book and pen in hand.

 

As I walked answers did not magically appear, instead, even more questions crammed themselves out through my pen and onto the spaces between the lines. "Why is that I desire marriage? Is it so that I can give, or so that I can take? Is the appeal in having someone to share my life with, or is it sharing someone else's life with them? Is it about my plans being accomplished, or is it about God's plans being fulfilled? Is it about my success and my dreams coming true. Is it about my happiness?

Now, I know that these questions are not an answer to what you should do with your own desires for marriage. And I know that they probably are not consolation to a lonely heart and that they probably cannot mend the cracks in your dreams. They cannot wipe away any doubts you may be having in the likelihood of your own wedding ever being more than a board on Pinterest, but maybe, just maybe they can show you some areas in your thought life that are a little warped. Perhaps you might find that some of your desires are more selfish and less godly, and what better time to realize that than now? Now when you have an opportunity to seek the Lord's strength in realigning your desires with His before your emotions become entangled in a relationship.

 

Maybe I do not have any more answers than you do, but I do know that for you, and for me, and for every other person who has dreams that they feel are crumbling, that God has a plan and it is perfect. How do I know this? Because each day as I seek to align my dreams with His plans He has been showing me that His hands are in the smallest of details. Do not despair my friend, He is faithful. Seek after Him with all your heart and He will meet you there.

"For He satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul

with goodness." ~ Psalm 107:9

 

 

 

 

 

What He Must be for Me

How many times I have heard girls talk about having lists of what "he must be.' The "he" of course referring to the man she one day hopes to marry. He must be godly, good looking, smart, funny, kind, generous, joyful, encouraging, etc. In fact he must be just short of perfect.

 

The list changes as years pass, and hopefully it gets a little more realistic as the girl realizes that men aren't perfect. People aren't perfect. And yet, I have made one observation that frankly bothers me. So many of us think more on what he or she must be for us than we think about what we should be for him or her.

 

For example, have you ever met a young lady who is in her twenties heading towards thirties who laments being single? Like all the time. This same lady also makes comments indicating she would be happy if she didn't get one more wedding invitation because weddings are just too hard to attend because they remind her of how very single she is. She may say it jokingly, and perhaps a part of her doesn't mean it, but at the same time it's pretty obvious to everyone that part of her does mean it.

 

Now I'm not saying there haven't been days when I've looked at all my friends marrying their best friends and wished that I was headed down that same road as well. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't. I think it is natural and if handled well, it can even be okay. However, that isn't the point of this post. What I'm getting at is how attractive is it when a girl "pouts" and appears to be jealous of what others have?

 

Girls, I'm putting this to you. Would you be attracted to a young man who sarcastically jokes about not wanting to go to anymore weddings because they are just too hard to get through? Would you be tripping over each other to get to a man who laments his state of singleness at every turn and sounds, well, to put it bluntly, jealous. Would you pray for a man who character is marred by a tendency to have pity parties on a regular basis?

 

Yes, I am aware that the many of you may think a guy's lot in life is different because, after all, he can pursue a girl anytime. He just needs to get out there and do it! Right? Well, maybe, but what about the guy who isn't in an area where there are suitable young women, as in, maybe he is surrounded by woman of another religion? Or what about the guy who is held back by circumstances totally out of his control? You get the point. Let's just forget all that and suppose there was a guy out there who was acting like what I have described. Would you be attracted to him? I'm confidant you wouldn't. After all, who wants to marry someone who is jealous and swimming in his own pity pool party of tears?

 

The bottom line is this. You have a list of what he must be, but what about if he has list of what you must be? How would you measure up?

 

Our goal in life isn't to make the best spouse or to even get married, at least, it shouldn't be. But, for any role in life we should work to obtain skills that will help us be successful. That includes the area of marriage.

 

It's okay, I'm not saying you can't keep your list of what he should be (perhaps I should tackle my opinion of "what he should be" lists in another post!), just remember he might have a list too. If you expect him to live up to your expectations, then maybe you should be striving to live up to his? This might include letting go of that pity party tissue and seeking the Lord in a whole new way so that your life begins to overflow with the joy of the Lord and thankfulness for the little blessings in each day.

~

"Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all they diseases; Who redeemeth they life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies." ~ Psalm 103: 1-4

 

Something to Ponder

 

"With so many choices, it's no surprise that we are always thinking about the greener grass on the other side of the fence. We are always pondering what could be better or what might be nicer about something or someone new. 'Decide' comes from the Latin word decider, meaning 'to cut off,' which explains why decisions are so hard these days. We can't stand the thought of cutting off any of our options. If we choose A, we feel the sting of not having B and C and D. As a result, every choice feels worse than no choice at all. And when we do make an important choice, we end up with buyers' remorse, wondering if we are setting for second best. Or, worse yet, we end up living in our parents basement indefinitely as we try to find ourselves and hear God's voice. Our freedom to do anything and go anywhere ends up feeling like bondage more than liberty, because decision making feels like pain not pleasure."

 

~ Kevin DeYoung

Just Do Something p. 37

Restless Days

Previously written

Restless days. We've all had them. They are the days when your mind all but refuses to focus on what is at hand and where everything you know you should do seem pointless. If you are like me, it also means many longing glances out of the window, wishing you were out climbing some far off hills, enjoying a quite day with nature and your quickly moving thoughts.

 

What do we do with restless days? Days when we struggle to find contentment in anything at all. When everything we have doesn't seem like enough, and what we don't have looks unrealistically green and inviting?

 

Turn our thoughts to praise. At least, that is something I have found to calm the agitated heart and mind. When I have no rest it is easy to get caught up in what I don't have and longing for those things. On those days, usually later rather than sooner, I am reminded that there is nothing that fills the longing heart more fully then the Lord. Spending time counting my blessings and praising His name has a way of grounding me. What I wanted seems to fade behind that which I have been given. I deserve none of it, and yet it was freely given to me.

 

My restless day is ending well. A heart full of praise, hope, and peace. A sense of knowing that I'm right where I need to be.

Rest?

"Do we never hear the question "What is the harm of it?" asked about reading certain books, following certain pursuits, taking our recreation in certain ways? Perhaps… we need change of thought and rest of brain. "What is the harm of the latest novel, even if it happens to be rather unprofitable?" And we (who have not time to read one out of a thousand of the real books that have been written) spend a precious hour by deliberate choice over something not worthwhile; and when our immediate world interrupts us, breaking in upon us with some call, do we find that we come back to it with quite undistracted gladness?" ~Amy Carmichael

When I read this quote I replaced  "real books" with "real book." With the Bible. How often when I "need" change of thought or rest of brain to I turn to things other than the Bible? Other than God.

 

 I read fiction, watch a movie, chat with friends, write in my journal. Those things aren't perhaps bad, but are they really the rest my soul desires?

I realize that I have been building a habit of turning my brain off, of avoiding the things which trouble me instead of taking them to God. Instead of seeking His Word. True rest is in trusting Him with the unseen, not running from it.

 

I give thanks to the God of grace who is continually working to conform me into His likeness!