Thursday, September 26, 2013

What He Must be for Me

How many times I have heard girls talk about having lists of what "he must be.' The "he" of course referring to the man she one day hopes to marry. He must be godly, good looking, smart, funny, kind, generous, joyful, encouraging, etc. In fact he must be just short of perfect.
The list changes as years pass, and hopefully it gets a little more realistic as the girl realizes that men aren't perfect. People aren't perfect. And yet, I have made one observation that frankly bothers me. So many of us think more on what he or she must be for us than we think about what we should be for him or her.
For example, have you ever met a young lady who is in her twenties heading towards thirties who laments being single? Like all the time. This same lady also makes comments indicating she would be happy if she didn't get one more wedding invitation because weddings are just too hard to attend because they remind her of how very single she is. She may say it jokingly, and perhaps a part of her doesn't mean it, but at the same time it's pretty obvious to everyone that part of her does mean it.
Now I'm not saying there haven't been days when I've looked at all my friends marrying their best friends and wished that I was headed down that same road as well. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't. I think it is natural and if handled well, it can even be okay. However, that isn't the point of this post. What I'm getting at is how attractive is it when a girl "pouts" and appears to be jealous of what others have?
Girls, I'm putting this to you. Would you be attracted to a young man who sarcastically jokes about not wanting to go to anymore weddings because they are just too hard to get through? Would you be tripping over each other to get to a man who laments his state of singleness at every turn and sounds, well, to put it bluntly, jealous. Would you pray for a man who character is marred by a tendency to have pity parties on a regular basis?
Yes, I am aware that the many of you may think a guy's lot in life is different because, after all, he can pursue a girl anytime. He just needs to get out there and do it! Right? Well, maybe, but what about the guy who isn't in an area where there are suitable young women, as in, maybe he is surrounded by woman of another religion? Or what about the guy who is held back by circumstances totally out of his control? You get the point. Let's just forget all that and suppose there was a guy out there who was acting like what I have described. Would you be attracted to him? I'm confidant you wouldn't. After all, who wants to marry someone who is jealous and swimming in his own pity pool party of tears?
The bottom line is this. You have a list of what he must be, but what about if he has list of what you must be? How would you measure up?
Our goal in life isn't to make the best spouse or to even get married, at least, it shouldn't be. But, for any role in life we should work to obtain skills that will help us be successful. That includes the area of marriage.
It's okay, I'm not saying you can't keep your list of what he should be (perhaps I should tackle my opinion of "what he should be" lists in another post!), just remember he might have a list too. If you expect him to live up to your expectations, then maybe you should be striving to live up to his? This might include letting go of that pity party tissue and seeking the Lord in a whole new way so that your life begins to overflow with the joy of the Lord and thankfulness for the little blessings in each day.


"Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all they diseases; Who redeemeth they life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies." ~ Psalm 103: 1-4

1 comment:

Jessie Bear said...

Wonderful post! A very needed post, both personally, and also in our time.