Friday, January 31, 2014

Pixels of the BIG Picture

May 22, 2013
I was thinking of how I often have prayed, "Lord, open my eyes so that I may see things more like You do." And then when He does, I squirm and I want the "extra sight" to go away. I don't want to be burdened by the hurts and sins I see. I don't want to ache day and night over my own sins and failings. I just want life to be easy, and I want to be happy. I want life to be about me, because I am selfish. The truth is, life isn't about me. It wasn't ever meant to be. It was meant to be about Him. So today I've been asking myself, do I really want to see as He sees? Do I really want my heart to ache as His must? It will I willing to die to self? I'm not saying that God doesn't find joy in watching His children. He does! But it only takes one look into the world through eyes that He has opened just the tiniest bit to see how much pain there is as well.
Praying that we may see as He does in some aspects is good, but have you ever thought about how overwhelmed we would become if we even so 1/100,000,000th of what He sees? We could not carry such burdens, no rejoice with half as much exuberance as would be needed....He sees the BIG picture, and we just see a few pixels.
When we ask God for things, we should always remember to ask it in the spirit of, "if it is Your will" and "if it is good for me." What we think we want and what we really need are two different things. I don't know about you, but I find it comforting to know that He knows my needs and He gives accordingly. Even when it means not answering my prayers for more of something because He knows that I am not ready for more.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

He Finds Me Here - Part 2

Read Part 1

The days were busy, the goals many. I pushed forward, rushed here then there. Each day was filled so full. I was doing good things, wasn't I?
Yes, My Lord must be pleased. I was serving His people. Making them feel treasured and special. And that counted for something,
didn't it?

Only, you see, I was missing it. He, the Mighty Savior of all creation, longed for something more from me. He who healed the lame, made the blinded eyes to see.
He who died and rose again on day three. No, He holds the power of
heaven and earth within His all capable hands. It wasn't my efforts that would make the greatest difference. It was His love. The love which
He gives freely to all who will receive.

I am called to love others as self, but above this I am called to love Him
with all that is in me. All that I am.

In the rush, the busyness, the "good," I lost sight of the Hope, the Way,
the Truth. I made myself a god. I was responsible for
the happiness and joy of others. I was hope to the world.
Do you see the problem? The mistake?

In the midst of my self-sufficiency, I lost sight of Him. Memory of my sins and failings grew so large within, that breath died within me.
No matter of hard work or giving of self could wipe away the stains.
Hope languished, died.
How could He love me? Me, who's sins
nailed Him to a tree? Me, who's heart was full of darkness?
So, in those days the truth was hidden, I was blind and could not see.

Through His mercy, through His grace, over time He worked, spoke truth and became new within.
Open my blinded eyes that I once more might see, His truth, His grace, His love for me. He died, not so that I could become perfect in and of me, but that
in Him I might be set truly free. In Him be perfected.
In my weaknesses, He made strong.
In my weaknesses Him glorified. Lifted high. In me, His righteousness be shown.
In me, His great love be known.

It was never,
never about me. Always about Him. And when I lost sight of that truth,
I lost sight of Him too. I lost sight of His love, mercy, grace.
All I could see was my failings. Blinded by them,
life lost its appeal. But, thank the Lord, in that darkness He came, came
and rescued me once more. Showed me truth, love, such great
love. Showered me with His care.

And in those mostly-alone-days He extracted from my heart
such joy, such praise. I was saved once,
but each day He continues to ransom, continues His love, continues His redemption. I shall falter. I shall fail.
Yet, in the end His love always will prevail.

What a wondrous God do we serve!

Saturday, January 4, 2014

He Finds Me Here - Part 1

The sky is dark, all but the lights in the distance that speckle the horizon.
The house is quiet, but not too quiet.
"Bump-ity-bump," the dryer balls spin round and round
amongst the still damp towels.
The hum of the dishwasher and my computer add to the comforting, homey sounds as I await my families return.

I breathe deep and revel in the relative stillness of the house.
This time has been good. God has been good. In this mostly-alone-time He has showed me more of Himself. Whispered truths into my worn and weary heart.
He loves me.

I struggled to know this not so long ago, doubt and lies trying to rob me of my hope and trust.
But here, here as time balances between the new and old years, even if only for a few hours, here He met me. Here He linked truths together so that I would know.

Here He removed doubts, uncovered lies.
Here He made my heart to rejoice again in His truth and love. Here He made the passion and deep joy spring forth once more.

A familiar sing song rhythm beats within, slow and sweet.
Each breath becomes a prayer. A praise.

I've missed this. When did it slip away? All day the question comes and goes. When had the sweetness faded, the joy gotten lost?