Monday, June 21, 2010

But...He's so Cute...

Okay, so don't tell me that you have never had a crush on a guy. I think every girl deals with this problem. Problem? Yes, I say problem, because whenever your mind becomes so consumed by something of this world that there is not much room for things of God, you do have a problem.

It starts out when you are a little girl. A new boy comes to your church. He is well mannered, good looking even to your little girl eyes, and you decide you like him and will marry him some day. It is not complicated. Just a simple, foolish little girl thought. As time passes and you grow older you look at a boy and judge whether he is worth your time by evaluating his character and his looks. As your list of "must have" qualities grows, so does the amount of time you spend thinking about him in a, uh-um, "romantic" way. There is where the problem comes in. Soon you become consumed with dreamy thoughts of what it would be like to be loved by him, married to him, and have a family with him. Not only can these thoughts rob your time with God, they can also make you discontent with your present life.

I will be honest. I have had many crushes through the years. Some short lived, some that drug out for over a year. From personal observation I have found that crushes are very draining on a girls emotional well being. If I had a crush on a particular guy and he never even looked my way I began to ask myself what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I desirable? My immature brain never gave thought to the fact that maybe he was not yet old enough to be looking for a wife. As time passed I begin to realize how harmful crushes could be, contrary to what most people will tell you, crushes are not cute and painless.

Having discovered that crushes were not something I desired anymore, I was puzzled, how did one not have a crush. I had always been under the impression that you could not help it. Crushes were just something that happened right? Wrong. Crushes are something that take time and are stemmed from a desire to love and feel loved. In other words, every girl is responsible for whether she has a crush or not. You can feel attracted to someone, and find him handsome, but that does not have to lead to a full blown crush. Below are some steps you can take to fight these feelings:

1. Take captive every thought for Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) This means when thoughts like, "Is he the one?" come into your mind, you must dismiss them. Instead pray. Ask God to help you take your thoughts captive for Him. Thank Him for being in control of you future. Tell Him that you trust Him. "Set your minds on thing above," as Colossians 3:2 challenges. Choose not to let your mind dwell on "romantic" thoughts, for it truly is a choice.

2.Acknowledge your weakness. Do not lie to yourself about the attraction you may feel for a young man. Admit it to yourself and God, then pray. At the time it may seem impossible to dismiss this man from your thoughts, but God says that nothing is impossible if He is by our side (Luke 1:37).

3. Galatians 6:9 says: "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." While nipping down these feelings of attraction may be hard, in the end we will reap the rewards of a peaceful heart, a life lived for God not men, and because we will know on our wedding day that we remain faithful in guarding our hearts for our future spouse, the knowledge that you are worth your future husband's trust (Proverbs 31:11).

4. Lastly God instructs us to give thanks in everything (Ephesians 5:20). When you are struggling to keep your thoughts on God, not on the handsome guy across the room, you might not be able to see what it is you have to be thankful for. How can you thank God for feelings you do not want? I'll admit, this is the hardest part for me, but if you look at it as thanking God for being your strength when you are weak, or thanking God for these unwanted feelings because they make you realize your great need for Him, then it does not seem so hard.

The biggest mistake girls make is in thinking that crushes are something they cannot help. Once you realize that you can control your feelings to the extent that they will never have a chance to grow into anything other then thoughts, then you can began battle. You do not have to remain captive to emotions, and let downs any longer. With God as your help, you can learn to look at boys and young men as brothers in Christ, not just potential husbands.

Once you can do this you will no longer have so many awkward silences. Instead you can communicate God's love in a deeper more meaningful way. It may be hard, but it is well worth the effort. And that is coming from a girl who has been there, done that, too many times to count.

Hope for the future. Peace for the soul. Find it in God.

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13).


Anonymous said...

Dear Kathryn,

This is sooo true! Thank you for addressing this in a way that presents the truth and how to battle the fleshly desires in us, while also being honest about your personal experience. Your story sounds a lot like mine, esp. wondering "how do I not have a crush?". Your first and second steps were my conclusion, and the third and fourth are also good things to keep in mind.

I desire to teach the younger girls around me these principles so they do not get hurt emotionally, and can live the Christian life free from earthly bonds. It truly is bondage when we believe we cannot control our thoughts, words, and actions. For "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26) We trick ourselves when we think we cannot overcome sin with God on our side. Anyway, thank you for showing this principle to your readers.

Hold fast,
AK girl

Kathryn said...

:) I think I said this before, but it is very encouraging to have you comment. Thank you so much. You don't know what it means to me to know that someone is reading my mumblings. :) When I first started blogging I had no idea it would take so much effort. Now that I know it does, it means so much to have at least one faithful reader. Thank you, AK girl!

Anonymous said...

Your welcome! :) I love reading your blog. It is both encouraging and thought-provoking, and it reveals your depth of character and your love for Christ. Good job, Kathryn! And your post today on planting and reaping is an awesome reminder! It's so easy to get bogged down with just living life. Again, good job, and don't get discouraged. God is working through you no matter how many readers you have.

Hold fast,
AK girl